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I’m sorry, I can’t quite seem to understand you today… · 24 August 05

So I have been trying to write more poetry and nothing is coming. I sometimes feel like my poetry is the art of writing prose, but just skipping a bunch of words in an effort to sound interesting and moody, while striking an artistic pose. At the moment though, the ‘skipping a bunch of words’ seems to have condensed down to the fine art of not getting beyond the first verse. I have 3 different opening verses all sitting there in front of me. I even considered throwing them together and calling it poetry, but I know I would just be faking it.

Then I thought I would sit down and write it out, without attempting to be moody or interesting, but just to get it out there. Though I’ll most likely post this only as an exercise in lowering expectations for my blog. Wouldn’t want people thinking I am some poetic genius or anything… < /sarcasm>

At this point I am going to throw in one of my first verses, as it does in fact seem to fit:

I am so tired, so drained, so empty, so cold
I try to muster feeling and it all slips away
Never have I tried to be so open, to give
Never have I felt so closed and flawed

Exhaustion seems to be catching up on me. I had a bit of a wake-up call at the end of last week as to how essential a mere 2 teaspoons of whey a day are in keeping me functioning. However, I suspect that functioning is what I should really be doing, while my attempts to keep up the exercise and normal life are slowly leading to burnout. Slowing down doesn’t come naturally to me though; I tend to get very impatient with making gestures towards limiting myself.

I have no creativity, no imagination – not that I make a great claim to these at the best of times, but at the moment calls on such things draw a total blank. Not just the ‘slow to respond, need time to think’ blank, rather the ‘hours later there is still nothing there’ type of blank. My attempts to show emotion or feeling just don’t quite seem to reach the surface, draining away impotently.

But hey, none of this is what my blog entries are meant to be. I never intended or desired to write an online diary. I just wanted a place for the pieces of work that are my catharsis. Maybe this will just be something for me to look back on, to remind me where I was at. Because I know how much emotion or lack thereof went into every word, even if noone else can tell.

  1. well if u must know! :) i have never called myself a poet, but the poems i write comfort me to an extent, help me piece together whats going on at that period, i have hit a wall after the 1st verse tons of times, in time it will come.

    as for being blank, open ur eyes girl, ur health is talking to you, ur thoughts are lacking so ur body can indeed function, u are mentally taking time out so ur body can physically heal

    since that happened, i have never heard u say u took a day off, u got back on ur perverbial bike! and brushed ur self off! but sometimes it is good to say u have been defeated just this once and take a break dearie :)

    Lette XXX
    — lette    Aug 25, 14:03    #
  2. Mens sana in corpore sano, or something like that… The physical inactivity is probably taking its toll on your mental agility. Give yourself some time :)
    — Patricia    Aug 26, 09:04    #
  3. I’ve never been able to ‘write’ much of poetry… to me, poetry just comes out of the blue during a moment of intense emotions… its been a recent thing, perhaps from the past few months, before that I’ve never been able to actually write a poem… whenever I actually try to write in a poetic form, it just doesn’t happen, at the most I manage a few lines or sometimes just one line… I try not to force myself to write poetry… it works best for me, except that there are times, when I want to express in a poetic way, but fail to do so.

    Emotions, perhaps every person goes through such a stage when they feel empty, I don’t know, but I can relate to what you’re saying.. I’ve never been much of a blog writer myself, although that is not due to lack of trying or having nothing to write, but so many times when I site to write, I’ve already lost all that I wanted to share And there are times when I think so much faster than I manage to capture it all in words. Perhaps one thing I can totally relate to is being blank when I actually want to be creative, I face this problem at the best of times, and frankly it’s quite disappointing.

    Oh my! I’ve nearly written an entry as much as your own blog.. :o

    But I must say before I sign off, we all have our low moments, try to express even if you can’t sometimes even writing crap helps, but I guess what we all most need is friends.. one can never survive without human companionship… I have always felt that there should be at least one person in our life with whom we can truly be ourselves without pretending, share ourselves without worrying… having one such person can make all the difference in the world…

    You should take care of yourself, Sarah, remember you do have friends, people who want to listen to you, its just that sometimes we fail to see them…
    — KS    Sep 2, 13:22    #
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